Opened The Future of Love, by Daphne Rose Kingma, and read this (pp 81-86):
Surrender is the spiritual act of giving up, giving way, giving in. When you surrender, you give up your expectations, give way to the process, and give in to what has occurred. It is spiritual because it assumes that a force greater than yourself is guiding the action and will be there to catch you, that you are not alone on the tightrope of your personality without a net.
The minute you have surrendered, light begins to dawn in your relationship. Patterns suddenly emerge that were never visible before. You're able to see that everything you went through, as chaotic and difficult and painful as it was, did amount to something...
The awakening is that time in a relationship when we see the true purpose of the ordeal. We are psychologically illumined about what has been occurring and we're finally able to see that a pattern beyond our conventional perception was there, quietly operating, all the time. Something has become of us. We recognize this. We're not sure exactly what it is, it's something different, something we didn't necessarily or particularly want to be, but here we are, born anew.
This transformation means that you've become something, developed something, become much more of your soul's self as a result of this process of relationship. Not only has this particular change become an irrevocable part of you, but in some larger sense you have grown a new personality; you have walked closer to your soul. From this point on you will be different. ... one day you wake up and discover that, lo and behold, you're no longer afraid of being stupid, or that, miraculously, you do feel good about yourself. You have acquired that weird psychological commodity, a sense of self-esteem, or you're at peace with your sexuallty. What's beautiful about transformation is that it is absolute, a one-way street. You can never go back to the way you were.
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